Week 17

DENIAL

Some tough things I had to realize and start thinking about this week. The massive one is that I’ve been refusing the call to adventure, the call to greatness, the call to be what I will to be. I’ve been in complete and utter denial. Mark J points this out in the webinar in where we don’t do the work, or are not committed by only doing some of it, is DENIAL. I was shocked at myself at how I was ticking all the boxes as Mark was talking of the things I haven’t done, or only somewhat did.

Deep down I knew, every day, that doing the tasks and exercises would bring about change, would make me find my authentic self, would bring my DMP into manifestation. But I made a DECISION not to do so, and made myself to believe that it was OK. Denial, of being in denial. I was defaulting to the old blueprint, back to the security of the known, to the old me that was lacking, yet comfortable. I’ve been going back to the excuses by citing reason and circumstance. This realization made me angry. Angry at myself that I’d rather be comfortable in the life I dislike, instead of the life I truly desire, scared of the unknown.

So an important decision had to be made. It’s time to release the lifelong friend I know so well, the old me. This is truly hard. The grief and feeling a little lost was slowly starting to set in. I’ve been thinking that not everything in my DMP may be what I want. The index card I read every day “What I am pretending not to know?” comes to mind often. But what I’ve also been thinking is, I’ve been given this once in a lifetime opportunity, especially at my age without any funding, to be catapulted into an industry I always wanted to be in, to gain knowledge and experience that will be of instrumental value to me creating my OWN empire.  Yet the work is can be difficult and I still sometimes have that fear of failure. So why am I thinking that this part shouldn’t be there? Then it hit me. My Definite Major Purpose doesn’t need to change, I need to change, because I’m just scared of my own success, scared of the UNKNOWN, comfortable in the known.

It’s time for the old me to be laid to rest. It’s time for my associative sense of self to be released, and reclaim my authentic self!

One thought on “Week 17

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s