Lessons in appreciation, observations for imminent failure
Another 3 weeks have passed bringing some new challenges. While I’m grateful to have been gone back to work, the physical side of it had gotten me very exhausted. There are still plenty hours in the day to get things done, but being so tired after the days work, I’m lights out just by sitting down. So what to do? The work itself is now retarding my growth as I’ve managed to do less than nothing in the last weeks.
But I’m thinking, am I making excuses to just not get the tasks done? I’m still living at home with my parents, so I’m pretty much living like a king. So what’s my problem? The answer is simple, the old wiring is still firing and I’m not putting in the effort to change that and I’m being my usual spoilt, lazy self.
The truth was brought to my attention that I have absolutely no idea of how lucky and how much I have, and haven’t been truly grateful for any of it. So, my friend Johanna invited me into her home to experience a taste of what it’s really like to fend for yourself with very little. Using everything sparingly with no luxuries including meat and only buying the bare essentials with what little I earn. A exercise that has made me so much more grateful and appreciative for what I’ve had all these years all on a silver platter! I experienced, just a taste, of what it’s like to live, not at the bottom, but outside the castle of what is essentially riches, servants and self entitlement. It was a massive eye opener! I give so many more please and thank you’s, stopped my disgusting wastage of food and other things like water and electricity and have stopped some unnecessary luxuries (eg. I mean do I REALLY NEED Nivea Shower Gel?, we don’t even have a shower…) and am looking more after MYSELF instead of being LOOKED AFTER. Even if I’m offered certain things, I refuse and say, “that’s my problem now…”
Although nothing has gotten done until early this week, I did notice my reactions to certain situations, remembering what’s in the Blueprint builder. “No wealth or position can long endure unless built upon truth and justice, therefor I will engage in no transaction which does not benefit all whom it affects”. That was on repeat in my mind when asked to do something which would result in me being an accomplice, however small, to what have been fraud. Quickly did I get out of that! I was overwhelmed with guilt before the final action had even taken place. Unlike before, where my gut would tell me something like that is wrong, but would turn a blind eye or just sugarcoat it to make it seem OK.
Scroll 2 of The Greatest Salesman has started changing the way I react to situations. Not every time, but when I do take control, I’m way calmer. One instance in where a racial slur was thrown at me, only for me to react with a smile and laughter back at that person.
Not giving opinions is extremely hard! But the times I don’t is a pretty amazing feeling. The reactions of people when instead of adding my 2 cents but saying things like “How do YOU feel about it?”, and listening to them answering themselves and being satisfied with it, goes to show they didn’t need my opinion ANYWAY!
So whilst I battle on Sunday’s to keep awake for the lesson, sometimes only getting an hour of sleep before work the next morning, there was still no excuse for not keeping up the good habits and all the tasks during the week. Besides for me just being lazy, my amazing guide Luc also explained that the old mapping in my subconscious is STILL looking for whatever way for me to default back to the backwards living of quiet desperation. I believe as well it’s because I haven’t been doing the work properly.
Falling far behind would usually have me going “Well [insert profanity here]!! I haven’t kept up so might as well give up.” How about NO. Giving up is the easy way out, something I always tell others. So I’m swallowing my own words whole, practicing what I preach, for myself, and getting back up on this journey because it’s not over! I’ve been blessed with this opportunity and starting over is always very difficult. Thank you Luc for that reminder! I’ve already started this week to see things moving in the direction of what’s in my DMP for dates to come. I cannot just turn away from that and return to the infinite spiral to nowhere!