Week 4 & 5

If it starts raining cement, GET OUT THE WAY!

“Don’t start something unless you intend to finish, even if the heaven’s fall”. Not the exact quote but that kept ringing in my head the last few days. Why? Because I nearly did give up.

This past week and a half has been the first time in my entire life where I’ve been alone at home without people always being around. My parents had gone on holiday, a much needed one for everyone as tensions were running high in the household. All good, parents get a holiday, I get a peaceful 2 weeks. What wasn’t wise of me was to think I could be OK, alone, in silence, for days on end, not even contacting anyone over the phone. Four days in and breaking point was imminent.

I came to a HUGE understanding to what REALLY happens when your subby is left off guard, when you break good habits just for a day, setting yourself up for potential “ignominious failure”. Being overwhelmed by being lonely, I let unpleasant emotions and thoughts get the better of me. And the resistance came back as a Tsunami that brought a Hurricane for backup. One small thing led to another, and another, until I felt I was back where I was mentally and emotionally many years ago. Subby’s watchman had left the gate, and the old Blueprint took me on a night out to Old Town, just off highway Negative, on the corner of Doubt & Despair, to the Self Loathing saloon, where we drank “Give Up” shots chased with “Who Are You Kidding” beer.

Watching that clip of “What The Bleep Do We Know?” gave a clear understanding of how chemically addicted I am to being that way, a lot of the time, and since it’s on a cellular level, and those cell’s hadn’t had their fix in a while, I had relapsed.  Now in the quicksand and sinking fast, the only way out was to get back into the lessons and tasks and get back to rewiring, before I return to being selfish, envious, hateful and cynical with a Blueprint left on written on paper and discarded.

So out of the sand and back on land today, watching the replay where Mark was talking about opinions, got me noticing just how many I have, so often! And now to eliminate them? ALL OF THEM, ALL THE TIME? This is going to be interesting…

I’m reminding myself:  Giving up is too easy, because then you no longer have to struggle. But I know no success comes without some difficulty and persistent hard work. This work isn’t for a boss for minimum wage to retire unprosperous and diminished, it’s for my future of unlimited abundance!