Persistance, to fighting the resistance
So it’s week 2, and what a way to start! It all began with a wonderful Sunday trip with my close friend Johanna to her home town to visit her sweet and delightful parents, and an unexpected guest, her piano teacher from years gone by. What an honor to have been able to have met and conversed with such an amazing man, with us all around the table with mouthwatering soul food! Later on, a quick trip to visit just one of the venues I’ve been dying to see, and so great to be see another place and meet more welcoming people I’ve only heard of! To put more sugar on an already sweet cake, I then got to meet Claes from Color Code, Johanna’s guide on her MK journey, right here in South Africa! But as the sun started setting on a glorious day, it was time to return home, in time for MKE class to begin….
I just love how things are explained in metaphors, such as how our subby (subconscious), is like a plot of land, whatever you plant in it, grows, whether it corn or nightshade. Like soil, subconscious doesn’t care what you put in it. Never mind nightshade, I’ve been planting and nurturing weeds and Poison Ivy for very long! Now I’m tilling the subby soil and eradicating destructive, poisonous thoughts and feelings which will only produce such actions which won’t bring me any success or happiness!
But that ground is HARD, and this week I’ve really been feeling the intense resistance whilst planting the good seed. That hardwired map that is my blueprint tries in many ways to veer me back on that old, rocky road, through undesirable feelings, thoughts and actions. But, I observe what’s happening, and push myself right back on the road I’m carving to the destination I desire!
One of the tasks this week was to give yourself a chore, and a date to complete it. One I picked was one I’d been letting off for years with excuses like “It’s going to take so much time and effort”. This time I was excited about it, and couldn’t wait to dive in. And as I’m almost done, it’s already so gratifying when I look what’s been accomplished, from just doing it now!
So far on this journey, one personal characteristic of myself I dislike, that is changing, is my nature to worry, and then fixate on the feeling. Color Code Personality Science identifies “Blues” as worry prone. Well, I take worry a little further. I go from worry, to paranoid, to completely overwhelmed, almost instantly, over nothing. What’s helping a lot is I repeat to myself what Davene said on this past Sunday’s lesson, “Worry is like paying off a debt you don’t know you owe”. I love it! Repeating those words calms be straight back down if I start to panic for no reason. On top of that, my amazing guide Luc also pointed out today that people create fear and worry out of nothing. Something I will also repeat to myself!
Though stumbling a bit, fighting against old habits that want to return, I still know I’m winning. Some more reflection of where I was and where I am now, came to light this past Sunday before class. Johanna had pointed out something very true, that I used to be a dark soul. There’s no denying that truth. When you have so much darkness inside you, it becomes consuming. It envelops you until you’re left just wandering your dark halls with no direction, just waiting for your physical being to fade to black as well. I had long accepted that as my reality.
I’ve now rejected that reality, and substituting it with one of only my purest desires and passion!
Although all of this can get difficult and challenging, giving up is a choice, a choice I choose not to choose!